How to travel alone
and what you will learn from it
“One can see it’s not your first time travelling alone” this Finnish guy told me in a bar in Thailand. He showed appreciation for my healthy balance between seeking the unknown and being careful.
Three weeks before I didn’t even know that I was going to be in a foreign country for New Year’s Eve.
Even though 9 years had already passed since I first caught a glimpse at solo traveling and have been alone overseas twice since, this December, I was feeling like I didn’t have it in me anymore. I had the same ruminating thoughts one would have before their “first time”. I worried about being alone far away, if I would get lost (although I had previously managed to find my way around a small Caribbean island without a phone, map or language skills), if something would happen to me, if I will be able to find my way around..(seemingly forgetting situations like the one when my little tin-can of a car failed me in the middle of a volcanic desert when I did, in fact, find my way around).
One thought was louder than all of the others: “Not again!..” “Why do I once again not have a travel buddy?” The irony in the fact that I loathe group travels, have rejected a trip with my friends just some months prior because I thought I should save up my vacation days for a “more interesting” destination and another one with my BFF because “the location did not have a direct flight connection from where I live” was almost lost on me at that point.
There was a time when I used to love to travel alone. Throwing myself into a new adventure without knowing how it will be like. Being somewhere so faraway that my mundane problems seemed so small (not the ones in my head though but even those seem to be more silent when put into perspective) and life back home having more perspective upon returning.
But now, only two weeks to go until winter holidays, I felt stuck. With time running out to make a decision, I remembered the notes I made while sitting alone in a crammed restaurant in Coimbra 6 years before, surrounded by hundreds of hand written notes from people from all around the world pinned on the metal-coated walls. I pulled out the thin grey notebook from my cupboard. The first line read “Travelling alone: can you be alone with yourself?” At the moment of writing that down, the answer had been a definite “yes!” Tipsy on Portuguese wine and with a steamy goat stew in front of me, being at the end of my second solo adventure, I had felt not only inspired but empowered. Browsing through the scribbles of my terrible hand writing, I knew there still was something inside of me longing for another adventure, I just had to tap into the feeling I had on that wooden bench in Portugal and find the courage to listen to that voice.
In also knew that I had to share my experience.
“You are travelling alone to Thailand?? What do your parents think about this??” I heard from a good friend a few days after. (Mind you we are both at the ripe age of 35.) My newly regained courage almost crumbled. I was oscillating between “Oh my God, she is right, what was I thinking??” and ridicule-mode: Funny how at work you are expected to “learn as you go” and “rise up to the challenge” with little to no help whenever a new project comes up but hop on a flight to a destination about which there’s a ton of informational materials online, where you have your hotel and transportation already booked, nah, too much of the “unknown”.
Below the surface, though, I could totally understand where she was coming from, since we both come from very sheltered backgrounds where our parents still schedule doctor’s appointments for us, we have the same friends since high school and individualism is not that prevalent.
Depending on your circumstances, you may not even have dined alone in a restaurant before. Embarking on a journey by yourself might seem like an insane idea.
1.) Start small (maybe a trip to a neighboring city in the country you live in) and at times, accept defeat when you will feel helpless and scared.
For me solo travelling was not a “plunge into cold water”, I sort of eased my way in through different solo experiences. As with a lot of things in life, the beginning was not easy and somehow.. inadvertent. 9 years ago, I had to spend half a day in the Capital after the friends I was with took an earlier train than planned. My initial feeling was being left out, I was reluctant to leave the hotel room, doing countless google searches on what I could do to pass the time until my departure. Finally, I dragged myself to a nearby museum. While walking along the almost empty halls, I couldn’t help but feel judged. Not necessarily by the few couples and groups I met along the way, but by myself. I couldn’t wait to board that plane to escape this feeling.
The second time around, while spending a few days on my own in Porto before my friend would join me, having booked an accommodation for myself for the first time, I was still reluctant to dine alone. Looking around as if to see what the people at other tables were thinking of me, I couldn’t wait to go back to the hotel as soon as I finished my meal. I filled my days to the brim with sightseeing, led by the novelty but also by the desire to escape any feeling of loneliness.
It will be inevitable to feel that way but don’t let it bring you down completely. While being back home and thinking back, you can’t but feel at least a little bit proud that you did it.
2.) Trust yourself that you will make the right choices and that you will be resilient enough to deal with bad circumstances. This trust is not built in an instance. Each step further in life, each new experience will bring you closer to this path. A trip alone is just an accumulation of new events in a short period of time that will challenge your abilities to overcome new situations and thus show you how able you are to overcome anything. There are no excuses when you travel solo and no constant support, you are solely responsible for the decisions you make or don’t make, you have to be at peace with both. Heed your intuition and your knowledge and let them guide you.
3.) Be open and challenge your limits. Fear is good, it’s there to protect you. But ultimately, you’re the judge over it and can decide if it’s a risk worth taking in that moment. For some, it would mean something small like chatting with someone from your hostel or a waiter in a restaurant, for others, going diving with some people they just met in a bar the night before. It’s ok to feel like rather staying on the safe side and not wander to far off from the planned route. Between pushing yourself too hard at times and other times being too indulgent, you will learn your limits and will be able to expand them bit by bit.
4.) Ask for help. This one seems like a no-brainer but for those among us who are stubborn, “I can do everything by myself because I do it better” kinds of people, it may not come that easy. I can almost guarantee that, no matter how much you planned, you will find yourself in a situation where you will have to rely on others. Like when your phone dies the first day you arrive on an island 8.500 km away from home or when it got dark while you absent-mindedly walked for half a day to a neighbouring town and had to explain with your hands and feet to people that you need a ride back home. Many are open to helping you. Talk to people. You will be surprised about how much more information you will gain than by looking at your smartphone. One of the painful realizations about myself while traveling alone was that I didn’t know how to talk about myself. Even the simple question of “where are you from” was a difficult one to answer, since I struggled with that origin identity ever since I moved abroad as a student. Sure, you can reinvent yourself completely, since you are far away and nobody knows you, it probably can feel freeing at times, but I chose to learn to know myself better in order to be able to show people my genuine side.
5.) Let yourself be guided by curiosity rather than by an agenda. I know some people will disagree on this and I for myself also like to plan some things ahead or at least go through a travel guide (remember those?) or “Insta must see-s” (modern version) prior to departure. But I much rather “feel the pulse” when I land. This trip could be about going on adventures, having interesting conversations, experiencing romantic moments, seeing new things, emerging yourself into new cultures, earing good food, dancing..you name it. You are free to do whatever you want I can almost guarantee you that you will get yourself into situations you were not prepared for. Freedom can be scary, not knowing what to do with yourself can be scary. But it can also be exciting!
6.) Assess your FOMO (fear of missing out) and FOBA (fear of being alone). You will meet a lot of different travellers along your journey, the ones who want to see and experience everything in a short period of time, the ones who just want to sit at a pool all day, the ones who party day and night and many many more. It’s ok to find yourself in any of those categories. There are always more things to do and more places to see than you will be able to conquer during your short visit. “Have you seen this island, did you do this hiking trip” It will be hard not to compare yourself and your schedule to the others. Remember it’s your journey and it will be ok no matter the activity level you were up to in that moment. And don’t forget about the good side: Maybe one of the reasons you are thinking about a solo trip is because your friends don’t share the same interests while travelling. Now you can do a bit of everything, no matter if you want to seclude yourself in a hotel room for a few days and watch Drag Race (may have done that ehem ehem) or go on all the organised day trips and pub crawls possible. Nobody will judge you (besides yourself but we need to work on that one). Nobody will push you out of bed either, unlike your job back home, which means your FOMO and FOBA can work in your favour as well, use them as motivation to explore.
7.) Last but not least, let go. You were sure that you learned how during your meditation, mindfulness and yoga sessions but travelling, especially alone, will put that to a test, since you have nobody to occupy your thoughts and time. If you are like me, your mind will constantly try to find a new focus: where to go next, how to find the best restaurant in town, what business endeavour you could go on after you return in order to fund this lifestyle forever, that cute guy you met at the bar…being in the moment is the hardest simple thing possible. Especially now with social media availability, you can check if your ex saw “how good you are doing without him while posing with a Greek bod god” even when you’re 3 time zones away. It’s normal to seek connection while travelling solo, even more so with the people back home. But from time to time, try to take a big breath and listen to the waves, the birds singing or the noise of the busy street. Let yourself be led by the things around you. Put yourself in the situation ad wait to see what happens. You will be amazed about where it will take you and what you will find within you.
Ultimately, I boarded that plane on Dec. 27th and had one of the best trips ever. Will you take your chance as well or will you stay home?
